


taking passionate steps, floor suspending abyss. (such impossible bliss.)

by pseudocordelia



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Confessions, Cowgirl Position, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Mating Press, Mutual Pining, Reversible Couple, They kind of both want to top but make a compromise., This mostly occurs from Sylvain's perspective.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 15:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21000194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudocordelia/pseuds/pseudocordelia
Summary: He thinks of wrecking Felix. He wants to wreck Felix. Is that what he yearns for? To defile Felix?He doesn't think so, because when he looks down at his hand, covered in his own fluids, he does not feel satisfied: he feels disgusted.-Sylvain finds himself yearning. He didn't think Felix was too. They stumble their way into a relationship.





	taking passionate steps, floor suspending abyss. (such impossible bliss.)

**Author's Note:**

> I really didn't know what to title this. The working title was "Sehnsucht" but... now it's lyrics from Hawaii Part 2's "White Ball".  
Please note that the actual meaning of that song doesn't have much to do with this.
> 
> Please enjoy. If you find any mistakes, or thought anything was out of character, please tell me in the comments!

Sylvain wants something from Felix. He yearns, but he cannot name what it is he yearns for.  
  
-  
  
Sylvain wants something from Felix. He yearns, but he cannot name what it is he yearns for.  
  
To be best friends with him is not it. They already are: at least Felix insisted they were when they were children. Ingrid is his best friend, too. What he feels for Felix is different to what he feels for Ingrid.  
  
Felix had said that he ‘almost’ wanted to hug him. Thinking about it now, Sylvain feels warm. He does want to hug Felix, but he still wants more than that.  
  
He wants to protect Felix, too. When Felix thanked him for protecting him the other day, he felt elated. Felix used to thank him all the time when they were children, but the other day felt different. Yet he can’t place a finger on how.  
  
They’re at war, so he shouldn’t worry about stuff like this. For now, he supposes he's happy to stay by Felix's side, even if they are fighting a war. He wants to be where Felix is… so they can stay together until they die. Just like as they had said all those years ago.  
  
But he wants to do more than keep the promise.  
  
-  
  
Yesterday, they had gone into the woods to fight monsters. Sylvain was wearing a full suit of armour: despite this, when a King of Fangs lunged towards him, Felix got in the way.  
  
“Just a scratch,” he laughed as he bled. He was looking Sylvain right in the eyes: he was smiling, even as Mercedes escorted him off the battlefield. Despite his words, he was hurt, and badly: he had to stay in the infirmary for a while.  
  
Just the other day he called Sylvain an “irresponsible fool” for recklessly protecting him, yet he went and did the same thing.  
  
Even if Felix’s actions were irresponsible, Sylvain wanted to see him.  
  
He knocks, and Manuela promptly answers. She frowns at him before he even has a chance to speak. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she sighs. (Sylvain didn’t realise, but somehow, Manuela understood his feelings better than he did.)   
  
“...Thank you, Professor Manuela.”  
  
He moves a seat to Felix’s bedside. There’s silence for a few moments.  
  
Felix sits up in his bed. “Hey,” is all he says.  
  
Sylvain smiles. “Hey. Aren’t you the one who called me a fool for doing this?”  
  
“Maybe so, but I’m not a weakling like you are.”  
  
“...I was wearing full armour, Felix.”  
  
“Ugh. I’ll admit, I was being reckless. I just couldn’t stand the thought of… something happening to you,” he groans. “I didn’t think I’d hurt myself this badly. I need to train more.”  
  
Sylvain doesn’t know what to say.  
He’s honoured, really. One side of him misses the old Felix who was so upfront with his feelings that he’d burst into tears but at the same time, seeing him express his feelings is so much more special now because he’s the only one who sees Felix do so.  
  
“Can I hug you?”  
  
Felix diverts his gaze and looks down at the floor. “I won’t stop you.”  
  
Sylvain wraps his arms around him and buries himself into Felix’s shoulder. Felix places a hand on Sylvain’s shoulder.  
  
They stay like that for a while, just holding each other. It’s nice.  
  
(Manuela eventually returns too soon for Sylvain's liking and kicks him out. It’s late, and soldiers need their sleep.)  
  
-  
  
He slept like a baby last night. He was happy after holding Felix.  
  
But tonight, he can’t sleep. He hadn’t seen Felix: he had advanced drills and he had to clean up rubble in the cathedral.  
  
He lies awake in bed and thinks about yesterday, and feels a heat inside of him that he’s never felt before. He wants to hold Felix again: he wants to feel Felix in his arms. He wants to rest his head on Felix’s shoulder for an eternity, but at the same time, he still wants more than that. He still yearns...  
  
He tries to ignore these thoughts and go to sleep, yet they wander back into his mind the next day, and the next, and the next.  
  
He touches himself throughout those nights. The act in itself is not unusual: but usually, he'd think of girls. This time, though, images of Felix pop into his head.  
  
He doesn't question it… he blames his brain for it, not himself, and tries to think of girls again.  
  
Girls baring their chests.  
  
Girls bending down and moving some of their dark blue hair behind their ears as they go to take him into their mouth. Girls looking up at him with their brown eyes as they lick the semen off their lips.  
  
(...somehow, these girls he dreams up end up looking more and more like Felix.)  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
The day Felix is discharged, he attends war council. Sylvain can’t help but look at him from across the table. He thought about him last night, as well.  
  
He wants to approach Felix, but he can’t find the right opportunity. Felix doesn’t approach him either. So, that night, instead of going to his room, Sylvain knocks on Felix’s door.  
  
“What do you want?” Felix sighs as he opens the door.  
  
Sylvain closes the door behind him and makes his way in to stand beside Felix’s bed. He looks Felix right in the eyes.  
  
“I want to hold you.”  
  
Felix flinches. He furrows his brow: he looks disgusted. “I am not as easy as those girls.”  
  
...Oh, Goddess. That isn’t what Sylvain meant, but now that he thinks about it, perhaps that is what he wants. Maybe that's why he can't stop thinking about Felix, even when he pleasures himself.  
  
“What?” is all he can think to say. He’s bewildered. “I just meant I wanted to hug you again...”  
  
The look on Felix’s face further soured. “Are you daft?” he scowled. “How can you be so oblivious?”  
  
“F-Felix! Calm down, why don’t you?” He places his hand on Felix’s shoulder.  
  
“Ugh,” Felix brushes Sylvain’s hand away. “Why do you think I got mad when you said I was like a little brother? Why do you think I never want to go chase girls with you? Why do you think your skirt-chasing… pisses me off?”  
  
“I’m sorry, Felix…” Sylvain frowns. “You know I wasn’t serious with any of those girls. I just played around because my parents are gonna marry me to some noblewoman, anyway. I... I never went past feeling them up. I never actually went all the way with them, you know. Besides, I’ve been getting my act together after you told me t-”  
  
“You didn’t answer my question,” Felix interrupts, his unflattering expression remaining.  
  
Sylvain feels flustered. He has told so many girls he loved them without meaning it, but he actually cares about Felix. He doesn’t know what to do.  
  
So, he decides to try the schemes and empty words he would use on girls.  
  
“Oh, I get it,” he says in the same voice he would use when he teased girls. He closes the space between them and places a hand on the wall behind Felix. He’s got Felix backed into a corner.  
  
“You want more than a hug…?” he smirks and goes in to kiss Felix.  
He’s stopped by Felix putting out his hand.  
  
“Sylvain. I’m not going to let you treat me like one of those women.”  
  
“Oh, come on, baby,” he teases, placing his other hand on Felix’s shoulder.  
  
Felix stares at him coldly.  
  
“Leave.”  
  
Sylvain flinches and steps back. He messed up. “I’m so-”  
  
“I asked you to leave!”  
  
Sylvain opens his mouth to say something, but he can't think of anything. He kind of wants to a whisper an apology, but instead he just nods and starts to head to his quarters: he doesn’t want to make Felix any more uncomfortable. He turns back to take a glance at Felix before he leaves…  
  
He looks kind of lonely.  
  
-  
  
He doesn’t sleep well that night: his thoughts were filled with regret. He could have done things differently: he should have done things differently.  
  
When he does stumble out of bed, he notices something by the door.  
  
It’s a note. “I don’t think I could say this in person without saying something unpleasant. We’re in a war. We needn’t any distractions. Let’s just pretend nothing happened for now. I’ll speak to you when I get my feelings in order.” At the bottom, there’s a bit written smaller than the rest: “I don’t hate you.”  
  
Felix didn’t even bother to sign it. Sylvain finds it awfully bittersweet. He understands they’re at war and they need to focus everything on finishing it, but if Felix doesn’t hate him… does that mean Felix loves him?  
  
He finds himself reading the note over and over again. Yet again, he feels warm inside.  
  
-  
  
They didn't talk much after that night. Things aren't awkward when they do talk, though. Nothing's changed.  
  
Felix criticises Sylvain's sword technique in the same manner he would have before. Sylvain admonishes Felix for training too much the same way he would have before.  
  
Nothing's really changed, except for the way Felix looks at him. Sylvain only notices because he's staring too, but the way Felix looks at him feels so intense. It's like he's undressing him with his eyes.  
  
It arouses Sylvain. He doesn't even try to think of girls anymore: he touches himself while thinking about Felix.  
  
He thinks of grabbing Felix by the collar from across that table and smashing their mouths together. He thinks of holding Felix down, beating him into submission and ravishing him for all to see.  
  
He thinks of wrecking Felix. He wants to wreck Felix. Is that what he yearns for? To defile Felix?   
  
He doesn't think so, because when he looks down at his hand, covered in his fluids, he does not feel satisfied: he feels disgusted.  
  
He would never do such violent things to Felix, and this Felix he dreams of is not actually Felix. He wants the real Felix.  
  
He wants Felix. He yearns for Felix.  
  
He wants to make Felix his. He decides to make that his goal.  
  
-  
  
Sylvain knew Felix would be at the Training Grounds on Sunday: it felt like all he did in their spare time was train. The place was empty, except for Felix practicing sword maneuvers.  
  
He obviously can't make Felix his just yet: considering the contents of that letter. He doesn't want to overstep any boundaries. So perhaps beating him in a sparring match would be enough for the meantime.  
  
He grabs a training lance from the equipment stock. "Hey."  
  
Felix stops abruptly, his head darting around to look at Sylvain. He had been completely absorbed by his training. Sylvain almost finds it kind of funny: the way he almost looks frightened the way he didn't notice Sylvain had even entered the Training Grounds.  
  
"Spar with me," is all Sylvain says.  
  
"Tch." Felix places his sword in front of him. "You know I'd never back down from a challenge."  
,  
Sylvain strikes first: their wooden blades clash against each other. Felix was quick to counterattack. They did not say anything: it was silent, other than the occasional grunt.  
  
They exchanged blows for a minute or so. Neither of them was really winning.  
  
Except then Felix's sword brushed against Sylvain's face: Sylvain made a swoop towards the hilt and knocked the sword out of Felix's hands. There is the sound of wood hitting the ground.  
  
Felix goes completely still. He stares at Sylvain for a few moments. (He thinks that Sylvain's eyelashes are pretty. Sylvain thinks about smashing their lips together.)  
  
"...Leave your door unlocked tonight," Felix demands, as he crouches down to put his sword away. (Crouching also hides the fact that he's blushing.)  
  
Sylvain doesn't want to mess up his words like he did last time, so he just nods.  
  
-  
  
After dinner, Sylvain found himself heading straight to his dorm. He quickly took off his armour.  
  
He was nervous that Felix was going to reject him or something of the sort, but at the same time, he was excited. He was excited because maybe he and Felix would have a heart to heart. Maybe Felix would confess. Maybe they would kiss!  
  
Maybe he could make Felix his...  
  
His face feels hot. He sits on his bed, unable to think of anything other than Felix. He isn't sure how much time has passed when Felix enters without even knocking.  
  
"Sylvain."  
  
He locks the door behind him.  
  
Sylvain looks towards him. He wants to say something, but he doesn't want to make Felix uncomfortable again. He doesn't want Felix to leave. Yet again, all he does is nod.  
  
Felix goes to sit down on the bed beside him. He avoids eye contact, though. "...I'm sorry for kicking you out the other day."  
  
Sylvain places his hand atop Felix's.  
  
"I, uh…" he stumbled over his words, trying to think of an inoffensive way to say what he wanted to say. "I said, you know, that I'm not gonna let your verbal abuse get in the way of our…"  
  
He had said he wouldn't let Felix's verbal abuse get in the way of their friendship, but it's more than that now. It was probably more than that back then. "...relationship."  
  
Felix lets out a sigh and turns to look at Sylvain.  
  
"Can you stop stumbling over your words like a fool and tell me how you feel? Besides, I'm not apologising for the words I used when I kicked you out," he gave Sylvain's hand a gentle squeeze, "...I'm apologising for doing it altogether."  
  
Sylvain feels Felix's eyes on him; he feels even more nervous. "No, no," he stammers, "I just don't want you to kick me out again, and, uh, you had every right to stop me if you weren't enj-"  
  
"I was enjoying it," Felix interjects, squeezing Sylvain's hand again. "...And I can't kick you out of your own room."  
  
His eyes widened, and yet again, Felix left him not knowing what to say. Had he really enjoyed it?  
  
"B-but I mean, if you wanted it to stop, you wanted it to stop. Except…" Sylvain's face is flushed red, "...if you enjoyed it, why did we stop?"  
  
Silence permeates the area for a few seconds. "I don't want to become just another one of your quick fucks," he says with no emotion in his voice.  
  
"Felix!" Sylvain blurts out. Those words hurt. It hurt to think Felix didn't understand how much Sylvain cared about…. Sylvain shakes his head, sighs, and recomposes himself. "You're so much more to me than those women. And I stopped playing around! And I never went all the way with those women, either."  
  
His voice quietens. "I'd go all the way with you." This time, he squeezes Felix's hand.  
  
Felix blushes but at the same time, he looks disgusted."What is 'all the way', though?" he scowls.  
"All the way is… sex. Erm, penetration. I never… penetrated them. I kissed them and… felt them. Some of them touched me. Some of them…"  
  
Sylvain's trying his hardest to describe their actions in a clandestine manner, but it's hard. He gives up. "Some of them sucked me off and I ate some of them out! But… but I'll make it up to you!" he starts shouting, passionately. Felix's face grows redder, but he does not complain. "I'll kiss you more times than I ever kissed any of them! I'll touch you more times than they ever touched me. I'll, uh… let you suck me off more ti-"  
  
Felix puts his free hand up to shoosh Sylvain. "I get the point," he says, "but… why should I give you my first kiss when I can't have yours?"  
  
"...You've never kissed anyone before!?"  
  
The look of shock on Sylvain's face makes Felix roll his eyes.  
  
"Obviously not, you half-wit!"  
  
"You can have my first, though! Isn't that more important than a first kiss?"  
  
Felix stops for a moment to think. "I guess, but that means you would get all of my firsts and I'd only get a few of yours…"  
  
He lets out another sigh, but Sylvain kind of wants to laugh. He's so cute, and not in the baby brother type of way.  
  
But they should get to the point. Sylvain's been dancing around his own feelings for far too long.  
  
"Do you wanna hold each other or not, though?" Sylvain asks, inching closer but not taking his hand away from Felix's. "I…" he gives Felix's hand a squeeze. "I like you."  
  
Felix tries to look away to hide his face: but he doesn't want to stop looking at Sylvain. "I do. And… don't expect me to say it often, but… I like you too. I think I love you."  
  
Sylvain laughs. He feels so happy he could scream. He takes his hand off of Felix's and instead wraps his entire body around Felix in a loving embrace.  
  
He wants to say something, something about how Felix means so much more to him than any of those girls did, something about how Felix has already made him happier than any of those girls did, something about how Felix makes him feel warm…  
  
"I'm so happy," is all he ends up saying. He muffles into Felix's shoulder as he starts to stroke his hair.  
  
Felix smiles, but now he has another problem. "Sylvain…?"  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"You asked if I wanted us to hold each other, but, can I hold you? I have wanted to do this for a long time."  
  
It takes a few moments for it to click as to what Felix means. His hands go still. He never had thought that Felix wanted to wreck him. The moment he realises what Felix had meant, he feels Felix's bulge against his leg.  
  
Sylvain thought he would be the one doing the holding. But, if it's Felix...  
"Uh… sure." His face is flushed pink. "No harm in trying it this time. Next time, it’s my turn, though!"  
  
Felix does not comment on next time: Felix does not respond verbally at all. Instead, he removes Sylvain's hands off of his back and pushes him against the bed. He holds himself above Sylvain, using his hands to lift himself up: somewhat like a push-up. But it's kind of difficult… Sylvain's taller than him, and he wants to give Sylvain a chaste kiss on the forehead. He can't reach and remain on top at the same time unless he wants to put his feet on Sylvain's legs. Or ask him to spread his legs now… it's just a bit too early for that.  
  
He went to peck Sylvain on the lips, instead. If anything, he was going closer to the chin, but Sylvain places his hands on Felix's cheeks and leans in. They both close their eyes and then kiss.  
  
Felix feels Sylvain's tongue lick him. Sylvain's probably trying to ask him for something with that, but… he doesn't want to kiss Sylvain with tongue just yet! He wouldn't know what he was doing and Sylvain would and it would be just awful!  
  
He pulls back and sits up. That was his first kiss. It felt strange, but not in a bad way.  
  
"Stay here," he says, trying to not show any embarrassment in his voice. His face is aflush. "I'm… getting something. You can undress."  
  
He takes the opportunity to bend down and kiss Sylvain on the forehead, then ups and leaves. His room is only two doors down, and Sylvain is sure he'll return quickly, but it's lonely for the warmth to suddenly go.  
  
He sits up and throws his red jacket on the floor. He pulls his shirt over his head. He did it awfully quickly… he had gotten naked for girls too many times.  
  
Except now Felix wasn't here and he was alone with his thoughts, with nothing to do. He wasn't going to get completely naked… yet. Felix had seen him naked hundreds of times, whilst bathing or changing clothes. This was different, though: this was intimate.  
  
Thinking that, Sylvain felt the heat inside of him.  
  
Felix gave Sylvain both heat and warmth. Right now, he felt both. To think that Felix told him he loved him… it made Sylvain feel warm. Yet thinking about what Felix was going to do to him… he felt the heat inside of him. He had yearned for this. He likes Felix.  
  
He loves Felix. He repeats this thought in his head over and over again to try and accept it… perhaps he had repeated it 50 times when Felix walks in and locks the door behind him.  
  
He wasn't ready to say it back yet. Saying "I like you" and "I love you" were two dramatically different things.  
  
Felix places a bottle on Sylvain's dresser and begins to speak. "You're…" he hesitates, thinking of how to word it, "a good boy for taking your shirt off."  
  
He stands in front of the bed and begins to undress, beginning with his boots. He then takes off his belts and his coats, until he is dressed down to his black undershirt and pants. He looks down at Sylvain and takes his gloves off using his teeth. All his clothes are carelessly thrown onto the floor.  
  
“Lay down and spread your legs,” he says, moving closer. Sylvain nods and does what Felix told him to. He begins to wonder how Felix knows what he’s doing: but then Felix positions himself in between Sylvain’s legs. He places a hand on Sylvain’s chest.  
  
He can feel Sylvain's rapid heartbeat. (Not to mention one of his nipples. It's hard.)  
  
He moves his head down and places a kiss on one of Sylvain's pecs. He licks it. Sylvain has already moved his hand to his mouth to stifle his embarrassing groans.  
  
He trails down to near the navel with his tongue and then lifts Sylvain's calves above his left shoulder. He moves to slide Sylvain's pants off to his ankle with his right hand but then Sylvain stopped him.  
  
Sylvain sat up and put his hands up Felix's shirt.  
  
Felix goes still. The way Sylvain is playing with his nipples kind of tickles, if anything, but that doesn't matter.  
  
"...why did you stop me from taking your pants off?" Felix groans.  
  
Sylvain opens his mouth but pauses to reconsider his words. "You've still got your shirt on and… I don't want to be in only my underclothes while you're like that. And… and I want to pleasure you!"  
  
Felix is unamused. He puts his arms up. "Take my shirt off, then."  
  
Sylvain fumbles with his hands but does as he is told: he pulls Felix's shirt over his head and chucks it on the floor. The moment his hands are unoccupied, Felix pins him back down. He lifts his legs back up and pulls his pants down to his ankles.  
  
"You don't need to do that," he says, planting a kiss on the underside of Sylvain's thigh. "...I will take pleasure enough pleasuring you."  
  
Sylvain tries to hide his blush by turning his head.  
  
"Then… hurry it up."  
"I don't want to hurt you, though."  
"I don't care if it hurts, Felix."  
  
Felix hesitates but grabs the bottle he placed on the bedside table. "You know what to do with this, right?' he looks Sylvain in the eyes. "I got it for when my muscles are sore, but it should be fine for this."  
  
Sylvain yanks the bottle out of Felix's hands. He hurriedly pours it out over his own hands, slams it back on the table and gets to work. He lets out a moan once he gets one, and then another, of his fingers in.  
  
Felix is surprised at how eager Sylvain is, to say the least. He's happy, though: even if he won't admit to it.  
  
He lets go of Sylvain's legs and takes his undies off his ankles. He discards it onto the messy floor where the rest of their clothes lay. With nothing else to do but wait, he watches Sylvain finger himself.  
  
It doesn't take long for Sylvain to catch his eyes.  
  
"Stop watching and do me already."  
  
"Don't you need to prepare yourself a bit more?" Felix asks. "Again, I hate to admit it, but I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"Ugh!" Sylvain groans. "For the Goddess's sake, I don't care if it hurts. I want you to touch me, Felix. I want you to feel good."  
  
...Felix says nothing but grabs the bottle. He unbuttons his pants and pulls down his undies. He slathers himself in the oil, and then pins Sylvain down.  
  
"Finally," he moans. Felix pulls Sylvain's legs apart and then grabs him by the ankles. He pushes his feet back, almost above his head and crawls on top of him: in between Sylvain's legs. Felix's knees are slightly touching the top of Sylvain's thighs and Felix bends down so their chests are pressed together. Felix moves his hands underneath Sylvain's back.  
  
They're so close… Sylvain likes it. Even if his legs feel contorted.  
  
Felix bends all the way down and rocks into Sylvain. Sylvain let out another moan.  
  
"...is this alright?" Felix asks.  
  
"Yes!" Sylvain replies, wrapping his arms around Felix's shoulders, pulling him closer. His voice was ecstatic. "Keep goi- Ah!"  
  
Felix begins to move before Sylvain even finished speaking. He moves his hips back and forth, and Sylvain lets out a moan every time he goes in and out. From looking at his partner's face, Felix guesses he is hitting all the right parts and keeps going.  
  
It did actually hurt for Sylvain. But at the same time, he felt amazing. It's going in and out of him so smoothly thanks to the oil, and the fact that it's Felix's makes it so much better.  
  
He tightens his grip on Felix's back and tries to pull him in deeper. He rather would have pulled Felix into a kiss, but he couldn't reach… he hadn't noticed how shorter than him Felix was, until now that it was inconveniencing him.  
  
His thoughts are quickly interrupted, though. Felix's movements begin to get faster: more erratic. He begins to pant… he clearly understood what Sylvain's actions meant.  
  
It feels good. Sylvain wants Felix to hurry even more, though… in the past he had boasted to girls about how long he could last, but right now, he just wants to release. It feels too good.  
  
He bites down on his fingers to prepare himself. He was going to cu-  
Felix let go of one his ankles to slap Sylvain's hand out of his mouth.  
"Let me hear you," he says, shallowly shoving in and out to hit the spot that made Sylvain moan.  
  
Sylvain let out a cry and came onto both of their stomachs. Felix himself was close, especially after hearing Sylvain… he smoothly pulls himself out, sits up and gives himself a few pumps, releasing onto Sylvain's thighs.  
  
With that, Felix silently stood up and walked off.  
Sylvain was a bit too sore to move. Felix had held his legs down with such vigour.  
  
"What are you doing?" he pants, glancing in Felix's general direction. He can barely see with how dark it's gotten. "You better not be leaving me here…"  
  
"I'm looking for a cloth to clean up the mess," he lets out a sigh. "I wouldn't just leave you like that."  
  
"If you're cleaning it up, why didn't you go inside?"  
  
Sylvain's gotten too sleepy to realise how embarrassing what he's saying is. He can't see how red Felix's face is, so he's not going to regret his words until the morning when he's rested and the afterglow has worn off.  
  
"...that's too much of a hassle to clean up."  
  
"Do it next time."  
  
"I thought you said you were in charge next time." Felix lets out a chuckle. He had found the cloth he was looking for and soaked it in warm water. He was coming back to "clean up the mess", as he put it.  
  
"Haha, yeah, I did," Sylvain slurs as Felix wipes off his stomach. "Let's make lots of crest babies…"  
  
He's already fast asleep by the time Felix is done. He has barely closed his legs and he takes up most of the bed. He's snoring lightly, too.  
  
Felix crawls up beside him anyway. It would be rude to leave now, and it's actually quite comfortable feeling Sylvain's warmth beside him as he dozes off.  
  
-  
  
Felix wakes up with a wall to one side and Sylvain holding onto him tightly on the other. He can't move if he doesn't want to wake Sylvain. Next time he'll take him to an inn: the beds there will be bigger and actually intended for two people.  
  
Sylvain wakes up with Felix in his arms and immediately all the embarrassing things he did last night pop back into his mind. Why did he ask Felix to cum inside him next time!? Next time, he'll be in charge: he'll try to make Felix beg for it and he will go inside, too. (Would deflowering Felix make Felix his?)  
  
Their eyes met and they notice that they're both awake. Sylvain squeezes Felix and kisses him on the cheek. "Good morning, sweetheart," he coos.  
  
Felix groans. "Please let me go. I can't move."  
  
Sylvain laughs, but he does let go. He crosses his legs and sits up to free up some room. Felix moves across and sits on the side of the bed.  
  
He looks back at Sylvain. "Good morning to you too," he smiles and Sylvain can feel his heart melt a bit. "I'm going back to my room to change clothes. See you." He puts on his boots, gathers up his clothes that are scattered by the bed and stands up. Sylvain is in awe at seeing how well-toned his back is.  
  
"We'll do this again, right?" he asks. It kind of hurts to see Felix walk away (even if the view is nice). Sylvain tries his best to sound confident, but his insecurity is obvious in his voice.  
  
Felix looks back at him from the doorway.  
  
"Obviously," he sighs, but then gives Sylvain a smirk. "I like you. Don't make me have to say it again."  
  
_  
  
  
Felix had said that, but… he didn't approach Sylvain the next day. They talk the same way they had before. Sylvain didn't know what to do. Could he act like they were lovers in public, or was Felix not ready for that yet? By the time evening comes, Felix has already locked his door. Sylvain can vaguely hear him snoring. He had been training hard all day, so it did make sense as to why he turned in early… nevertheless, Sylvain still felt kind of ignored. He wants to hold Felix again.  
  
Felix didn't approach him the next day either, or the next day. A few days pass and it's already Saturday.  
  
Sylvain is then caught off guard. He's in the stables, giving his horse a good brush, when Felix walks up behind him.  
  
"Hey," he says. "Meet me in front of the monastery gate tomorrow afternoon."  
  
Sylvain turns around and smiles. He wasn't being ignored, Felix was just being Felix. "Sure," he replies.  
  
Felix nods and turns around: without saying anything else, he walks off. He's as blunt as ever, Sylvain thinks. What he doesn't know is that behind his turned back, Felix is hiding a blush.  
  
-  
  
Sylvain finds himself sitting at the stairs in front of the monastery gates long before what would be considered the afternoon. He was watching the stray cats to fill in time. The (former) professor was speaking to the gatekeeper.  
  
He's not too sure how much time has passed when Felix puts a hand on his shoulder. "Hey," is all he says. Sylvain jumps just a little bit in surprise. "Uh… hey."  
  
He stands up to face Felix. Felix isn't wearing his turquoise fur coat or the belts that hold his swords: he's just got his white jacket with puffy sleeves, black shirt and turquoise pants on.  
  
Sylvain doesn't say anything, but he looks down at his and Felix's hands. His face is warm. He doesn't want to "make a move" or anything because he still isn't sure if Felix is okay with them being out in the open. The professor and the gatekeeper were not far across from them: the townsfolk could definitely see them too.  
  
Besides, Felix had invited him here so Felix must have a plan. (He does.)  
  
After staring dumbfoundedly at the silent Sylvain for too long, Felix lets out a sigh and grabs him by the hand.  
  
"Follow me."  
  
Of course, Sylvain does as he's told, but he can feel the gazes of the townsfolk as Felix drags him across the market into a secluded part of town. Their eyes are piercing… he sees one of those girls, one of his "quick fucks". She's murmuring something into the ear of the girl next to her.  
  
Felix stops once they reach an inn, but he notices that Sylvain is distraught. "Ignore those fools… if it weren't for us they'd be dead. They're just ungrateful animals."  
  
Sylvain fakes a smile. "Yeah", he says, not knowing what else he could to that. He has an unrelated, but burning, question though.  
  
"So…" he stammers. "Can I, uh, hold your hand in public?"  
  
"You're doing that right now, Sylvain." (Touché.)  
  
"But I mean like… you grabbed my hand! Can I grab yours?"  
  
Sylvain looks genuinely confused: Felix lets out a little chuckle. "Well, obviously. It'd be unfair otherwise."  
  
"Then… what else?"  
  
"What do you mean what else?"  
  
"Like, can I hug you? ...kiss you? ...In public, that is!"  
  
"Obviously," Felix grunts as he gestures his chin in front of him. His cheeks are tinged pink. "Considering I'm taking you here in broad daylight."  
  
."What's so obscene about taking me on a date here?" he turns to look back at Felix. "...why are you blushing?"  
  
"I'm not blushing."  
  
"That… that doesn't answer my first question."  
  
"Let me just show you," he sighs and pulls Sylvain into the inn. They were still holding hands.  
  
The woman at the counter greets them: Felix does not say anything and instead goes straight down to the hallway of rooms. Sylvain lets himself get dragged along, even if he is stumbling a bit along the way trying to keep up.  
  
They reach the end of the hallway and Felix brandishes a key. He unlocks the door beside them, pulls Sylvain inside with him and slams it. He quickly pulls the sliding lock shut.  
  
The room was occupied only by a large bed with nightstands adorning each side. There was another door inside, presumably leading to a bathroom.  
  
"You understand now, right?" Felix lets go of Sylvain and sits on the end of the bed. "I'd barely call this a date. Besides, there'd be no point taking you on a date now… we are in war, after all. The food outside of the monastery is awful. There's really nowhere to go on a date."  
  
Sylvain opens his mouth to speak but can't think of anything… he just nods.  
  
"So it should be obvious why I took you here. It's more convenient to touch you here…" (he is not blushing. He swears.) "You would've taken village maidens to places like this before, yes? Or are you more naive than I thought?"  
  
"Felix…" Sylvain frowns. "Stop mentioning them. How many times will I have to tell you how I feel? I told you last time. You're so much more to me than any of those women ever were. ...I like you."  
  
Felix kind of wants to apologise for being jealous, but he's too stubborn. He would never admit he was jealous now! He showed his feelings too much in the past and thinking about it was embarrassing!  
  
"I told you last time as well…" he says, trying to not to dwell on thoughts of the past, "I like you too."  
  
Sylvain perks back up. "You said more than that!"  
  
"...I'm not saying that again," Felix scowls, his expression deadpan. "Shut up and lay on the bed."  
  
Sylvain's about to do as Felix says, but then he remembers. "Wait… aren't you meant to be the one lying down?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Last time we agreed I'd hold you next time around."  
  
"You also asked me to go inside of you next time."  
  
"Shut up! I was tired. Can I hold you tonight, though?" he looks away, but he's smiling. "Obviously I won't do anything if you don't want me to, but-"  
  
Felix sighs. He takes his jacket and shirt off all at once. His pants quickly follow. "You can," he sighs, already basically naked. He moves back to open the top drawer of one of the nightstands, and procures a small bottle whilst Sylvain quickly takes off his shirt.  
  
He throws it at Sylvain, lays down and spreads his legs. "...get to work, then."  
  
Sylvain fumbles as he catches the bottle. He nods at Felix as he opens it, pouring lube onto his fingers before putting it back in its draw. He crawls onto the bed and sits in front of Felix.  
  
He pulls down Felix's undergarments and cups one of his asscheeks. He pulls that cheek aside, spreading him open, and with his free hand, he inserts his index finger. Felix stifles a moan.  
  
"Are you alright?" Sylvain asks, looking down into Felix's eyes... He's hiding half of his face into one of his hands: he's red.  
  
"I'm fine," he grumbles. "Add another one."  
  
"If you insist, princess."  
  
"Don't call me prin- cess!" Sylvain put his middle finger in and started scissoring before Felix could finish, making him moan mid-sentence.  
  
Sylvain laughs. Felix moves the hand covering his mouth and grabs Sylvain by the wrist. "Put it in."  
  
"Hmm?" Sylvain pretends not to know what Felix means, but he's already unzipped and slathering the lube that was left onto him. "Put what in, prin-?"  
  
Felix grabs Sylvain by the dick through his pants.  
  
"Ow!" (He says that, but it was kind of hot at the same time.)  
  
"That's what you get for trying to be smart. Shouldn’t you take these off, anyway?"  
  
"Fine, fine. I won't call you princess," he sighs and slides his pants down to his ankles. He takes his fingers out and lets his wrist out of Felix's grip. He nudges to the side. "Do you mind getting on your hands and knees? I want to do you like that."  
  
"...I'll try it," he replied, doing as he was asked. It felt weird having his knees dig into the mattress: it felt even weirder not being able to see Sylvain's face. He could hear Sylvain pull his briefs down.  
  
"Alright, I'm going to start," he kneels up as he holds himself against Felix's entrance.  
  
"That's fine."  
  
“Alright.”  
  
“Mmf!” Felix lets out a moan as Sylvain enters him. Sylvain places his hands on Felix's hips.  
  
"I'm gonna start moving now."  
  
"That's fine!" Felix growls, gritting his teeth. He can't stand having to wait like this! "You don't need to ask permission, fool. If I want you to stop, I will make you stop!"  
  
He's not sure if that's a threat or not, but Sylvain nods without even realising Felix can't even see him. He starts moving by rocking his hips back. Felix bites down on his lips, trying to stifle himself.  
  
Sylvain then rocks in. He pulls Felix closer by the hips, and Felix can feel his fingernails dig into him. He whimpers. He goes to look up at Sylvain, but...  
  
...this isn't right, Felix thinks. He can't see him, whereas he could last time.  
He thinks in that regard, last time was better.  
  
"Wait a minute," he says, putting a hand out behind him. Sylvain stops moving.  
  
"You alright?" he says, batting his eyelashes in confusion.  
  
Felix nods as he sits up and pushes his partner back. Their bodies have separated, but Sylvain knows they're not going to stop... he can see the lust in Felix's eyes.  
  
(Besides, if Felix weren't enjoying this he would definitely know. He had known him long enough to know Felix wasn't one to hide his frustrations..)  
  
"Sit up," he orders, placing his hands onto Sylvain's shoulders. Sylvain does as commanded. Felix moves up and sits in his lap: he easily slides back onto his length.  
  
"This…" Felix moans, "This is better. I can see your face. Keep going."  
  
Sylvain nods yet again. He places his hands on Felix's back, feeling up his shoulder blades. He's about to start moving again when Felix starts moving up and down. He's going up and down effortlessly using Sylvain's shoulders as leverage. He's bouncing on his dick. He isn't whimpering: now he's full-on moaning in pleasure.  
  
"Fuck…" Sylvain feels close enough seeing that sight. Felix has his eyes closed but he's breathing heavily and just watching him move is so erotic.  
  
"Don't make me do this all by myself, Sylvain," he breathes.  
  
"Sorry!" he moves his hands back down to Felix's hips. He lifts him up and back down.  
  
"Finally," Felix pants. "I was beginning to think you sucked at this sex thing."  
  
Sylvain furrows his brow. He did not! He lifts Felix all the way off of him and all the way back down. He leans in to kiss him as he does so, hoping it’ll shut Felix up.  
  
Felix leans back into him. He moans into Sylvain's mouth. They clash their lips together for a few seconds, but Sylvain pulls back. He's getting breathless: he's close. Felix is so light and so hot and when he can hear Felix thwap back down onto his lap, he lets out.  
  
It doesn't take too long for Felix to let out too. It felt disgusting but so good to have Sylvain come inside of him… after moving himself up and down a few more times, he's done.  
  
Sylvain collapses onto his back. Felix maneuvers himself off of Sylvain and back onto the bed.  
  
He grabs Sylvain's legs and tugs off his pants.  
  
"Can we do another round?" he asks, licking his lips.  
  
Sylvain's exhausted, but he nods anyway.  
  
It sounds fun.  
  
  
-  
  
They did it again, twice.  
  
It was fun, but… goddess does Sylvain hurt again. Felix had gone inside him both times, too. He had thought he had the upper hand at first, but it was obvious Felix was in control…  
  
Deflowering him obviously didn't make Felix "his". At this point, Sylvain's not even sure what it is he yearns for, let alone how to get it. He had taken Felix's "maidenhood" and Felix had taken his. He wasn't sure what the next step was.  
  
It did feel nice to have Felix take care of him afterwards, though. He was so gentle when he wanted to be. He had cleaned Sylvain up with a warm towel and was now in the shower himself.  
  
Maybe he should just ask. Except he hasn’t even said “I love you” to Felix yet. They haven’t even been on a proper date yet. They are at war, after all, so going on a date is hard… but he doesn’t want to die without ever going on a date with Felix. Then again, though, being at war is all the more reason to say how he feels.  
  
His head snaps up when he hears the ensuite door open. Felix is wearing a bathrobe that the hotel must’ve provided: his toned legs are practically on full display. Part of his chest is out and the ends of his hair are slightly wet.  
  
He’s sexy. Sylvain had always thought people were sexier when they wore certain clothes as compared to nothing at all… but Felix is also wearing waffle weave style slippers.  
  
Sylvain is of the opinion that waffle weave style slippers are not sexy… yet Felix looks stunning. Felix is beautiful.  
  
He feels dumb for not realising sooner. Sylvain is definitely in love. He needs to tell Felix that.  
  
“Felixxxxxxx,” he pleads, “come back to bed.”  
Felix looks over at him, as he takes off his dumb slippers. “What else would I do?”  
  
Sylvain can’t think of anything smart to say back, so he just admits defeat by letting out a sigh. Felix crawls into bed beside Sylvain, lying on his back. “Good ni-”  
  
“Wait,” Sylvain says, crawling up towards him. “I want to talk.”  
  
Felix turns to face him. He doesn’t say anything, just waits for Sylvain to go on. (Their lips are close enough to kiss.)  
  
“I, um…” (Sylvain should’ve prepared for this earlier.) “You’re beautiful, you know?”  
  
“And?” Felix seems unimpressed.  
  
“And after the war, I’m going to court you, properly! I feel bad sharing a bed with you without making things official.”  
  
Felix smiles. “People who don’t know you better would you think you’d never say such a thing…”  
  
“I’m serious, you know!” he grabs Felix’s hand. Felix squeezes his.  
  
“I know, I know.”  
  
“So… are you… will you be mine?” (It’s hard to get the words out.) “I… I love you.”  
  
Felix looks into his eyes, almost like he’s probing him (in a different way than he was doing earlier).  
  
“...Yes,” he says after a few seconds of silence. “That sounded like a marriage proposal.”  
  
“It is,” Sylvain gave Felix a wink, “if you want to be.” He felt confident again getting that out of the way. Being sincere was difficult for him, but having a back and forth with Felix was easy and fun.  
  
“...go to sleep,” Felix scowled. Despite the way his voice sounded, he was smiling. He hadn’t outright said no.  
  
“Alright, alright… if you let me actually fuck you next time instead of deciding it’s your turn.”  
  
“If you want it that badly, just take me.”  
  
“...excuse me? Then why didn’t you l-”  
“Take me in a fight. Force and hold me down.”  
  
“O-oh… okay.”  
  
Sylvain wasn’t going to say no. That did sound hot, but… he remembers looking down at his hand, covered in his own fluids.  
  
“Good night, Sylvain,” Felix says after a few moments of silence. “By the way… I love you too.”  
  
Sylvain smiles.  
  
“Good night, Felix.”

**Author's Note:**

> do they have showers in Fodlan? What is their technology like? Like they have magic which would make their society advance faster than ours did in certain fields... so do they have showers?
> 
> Thanks for reading until the end! <3 I may make a sequel sometime in the future where Sylvain actually "takes" Felix. (I'm actually meant to be studying... feels bad man that I can churn out 7 thousand words about fictional characters easier than I can do an actual essay.)


End file.
